Couples Who Swing

I saw this video linked from a swingers sub reddit. I found it far more interesting than those who visit the sub and identify as swingers seemed to find it. I think in part because Dr. Jess talks about CNM more than swinging. I really think monogamy as many think of it, is destroying marriage. I also think swinging as I experienced it in the early 2000s has the potential to destroy swinging. Both need to evolve and the place to get ideas is from those living between the two.

Both need to stress consent in a positive way. My "about me" page shows a time I really didn't understand consent. This website only barely touches the problems that mistake caused. Today I saw a reply on that same sub reddit with the link to the video, but a different post, that said something to the effect that it all comes down to communication, again. Yes. You cannot receive positive consent without understanding what the other party is giving consent to. Communication takes effort.

Dr. Jess uses the term monogamish in a slightly different way than some others, but her usage takes coming to an agreement. All relationships take coming to an agreement, unless they are just going to follow some old idea of monogamy, or swinging, or what other label they may want to apply. I'm convinced those that try to fit a label, and those that try to enforce others fitting a label, are doomed to failure.

Labels are useful to professionals that are studying the dynamics of relationships. To those living those relationships, the reason for labels is to find others who may loosely believe similar kinds of things about their own relationships. As long as they understand there will be differences they may find people with interesting points of view that help them grow, and may even become friends. What really matters isn't the label, but what they do to help each other enjoy life and grow.


©2018 Michael Yocom 

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